DUPOBS are trying to help make money for Gordon Campbell in the amount of $257. We want to help him build his own sea of fire, right here in New York. To do this we will have to build back the World Trade Center. Here are some of the plans we’re considering:

World Drunk Center: We could turn the remains of the Center into a vodka mill, so that people could have some fun, and forget about all their troubles. Then maybe they’d forget about all the problems that they have driving around the old World Trade Center site, and would stop crashing into things and killing people.

World Internet Center: We could compress the whole Internet into a single Pentium III chip, and put in on the ground where the Center once stood. Then we could post a concierge to stand in an office nearby, so if you needed to go on the internet, you could make an appointment through that guy. We could hire a senior citizen for this job. He might walk slow and shake his hands, but he would probably like to have something to do for a change.

World Barf Center: We’d build a single skyscraper on the site, and funnel all the barf in Manhattan into a pressurized tank. When everyone’s done being sick, the tank pressurizes a lot and then the barf shoots up a tube, straight up the center of the building. Then on the top there is a fountain, and the barf comes out there, and rains down all around to commemorate the years of empathetic media coverage that we’ve seen about the tragedy.

World Horse Center: We could cage together all the world’s horses, to remind us that we domesticated animals. We’d put the cages on the site.

World Airplane Wreckage Center: This design comes to us from our manager Lardmark S. Kolva. We could suspend a bunch of wreckage of 747s on long ropes down the sides of the new tower. Then there could be a rotating floor on the top, to which the ropes are attached by hooks. At 12:00 noon everyday, the top floor (with a restaurant inside) would start twirling around really really fast. Then the 747 wreckages would spin around, gaining altitude as the rotation speed increased, until they were spinning around like a maypole ritual. The first time this was done, all the surrounding buildings might get bumped and cut up a bit, but eventually they’d get out of the way.

The $257 that we raise through your donations will cover the retainer for the architect we are hiring for this job. Please email us to inquire.